His Name is Carter
Flipping the Script on Children with ‘Special Needs’Written by Carter’s mom, Christa
Don’t get me wrong, Carter’s always been his own kind of special.
I think we all are.
But I think what surprised me the most upon adopting Carter was the number of people who told me how lucky he was.
It wasn’t the reaction I expected.
In a matter of just 62 hours, through a beautifully written GoFundMe account posted by my younger brother, our incredible community had raised close to 20K for Carter’s rather ‘overnight’ adoption. And at 10 pm on my 37 th birthday, I became a mom. Without a doubt, I felt like the lucky one.
Prior to becoming Carter’s mom, I was more of an introvert. Reserved. I kept to myself. Shy even. But there is something to what they say about becoming a Mama Bear, as almost overnight I found myself advocating for this little one who – due to his cleft lip and palate – had a smile as wide as Texas and a heart that is even bigger.
I’ve worked with children labeled ‘special needs’ most of my life and have been taught so much about life through their eyes. Most importantly, I’ve learned it all depends on your lens….
Does Carter have more appointments due to his diagnoses (plural)? He sure does! We have six this week! I remember my Mom asking me once why we cheered louder for Carter when he accomplished something than we did for some of the other grandchildren (and his Nana and Mapa sure do that!). We decided it’s because he works so much harder to reach his goals. Walking, talking, feeding, and dressing himself all took longer than it did for his cousins.
But there’s a flip side to that story. Carter has mastered things most of us are still learning. He doesn’t judge anyone based on the color of their skin, where they are from, or the language they speak. He seeks the similarities, not the differences. He’s persistent (some might call it stubborn). He has the most beautiful sense of empathy I’ve ever witnessed (just ask each of the babies in our church congregation that he checks on each Sunday).
He forgives instantly.
He laughs readily.
He sees the good first.
He loves with abandon.
And so it was, our little family of two set out to show what children who learn and love differently can give – not just what they need. Each year on March 21 st (World Down Syndrome Day) – we join with family and friends from across the globe to complete as many acts of service as we can in 24 hours. Our first attempt was limited to the others in our apartment complex (50 candy bars with little notes). Each year it has grown and we’re so grateful for those who have joined us. Hundreds of men, women and children have joined in the annual celebration.
1,000 acts of service in 24 hours.
5,000 acts of service in 24 hours with 70+ participants during COVID.
In 2024, a group of Carter’s peers – children aged 3-12- contributed to the largest donation to the local food bank they’d had all year.
This last year, with the help of family and friends, we celebrated a full week of service and highlighted the many agencies who serve our community – the Ronald McDonald House, ReadyKids, the local animal shelter, the local library, Law Enforcement Officers, Sleep in Heavenly Peace, Community Attention Foster Families, the Blue Ridge Area Food Bank, Special Olympics, The United Way and even our friends at Lowe’s who include Carter in each month’s DIY project. Carter selected each project, purchased the items for donation himself, and delivered them all personally.
Carter is a gift. Both literally and figuratively. A mother I’ve never met shared her son with me. I take that gift - her sacrifice – both seriously and personally. Because of her, Carter gets to make the world a brighter place. You really should experience that smile at least once in person.
Some days I think I fail to hit the mark. Our clothes are always clean, but more often than not they come out of the dryer, not neatly folded from a drawer. We keep Hamburger Helper in business. And in our “Harry Potter” closet (under the stair storage) we keep a lifetime supply of ketchup – which Carter generously adds to literally everything. Those moments of comparison are interrupted by Carter asking me to smell his no- longer-stinky armpits fresh from the shower, an announcement that he’s changed over his own laundry, and cheers because he completed his grocery shopping and checked out all by himself. All at the age of 12.
It really does depend on the lens.
The world has labeled Carter as having ‘special needs’. But, looking at the world today, I wonder if we all might not be better off recognizing and emulating all he – and others like him - have to give – not just what they need.
The lack of judgement, the ease in forgiveness, the immediate acceptance, the unconditional love.
Being Carter’s mom takes time. But I think that’s true of all of our kids. No two children arrive with the same set of potential achievements or challenges. Yes, I know more about therapies, cleft teams, sleep apnea, and insurance agencies than I did before I became his mom. But he’s also taught me all of the words (and the dance moves) to all of the K-Pop Demon Hunters songs – which we sing at the top of our lungs in the car each and every day on the way to school.
And how fun would life be without that?
Lovingly, Carter’s Mother,
Christa
